Shopkeeper Builds Crap-Filled Catapult

Joe Weston-Webb and his 30ft Roman catapult
A British shopkeeper, frustrated by repeated break-ins, said he has installed a catapult full of chicken droppings to deter burglars.

Joe Weston-Webb, proprietor of Grumpy Joe’s Flooring in Nottinghamshire County in England’s East Midlands, said he installed the 30-foot catapult and a cannon that fires railroad ties after security fencing, motion-sensor lights and CCTV cameras failed to put an end to repeated nighttime burglaries, The Times of London reported Wednesday.

“Warning: These premises are protected by smart-poo and railway sleeper projectiles,” a sign posted on the premises reads.

“I have an exploding coffin too. The intruder would have to climb into the box in order to be blown out of it and I don’t expect anyone would be stupid enough to do that, but I’m working on it.”

Weston-Webb said he has a theory about the identity of the culprits.

“We are pretty certain it was a rival company, but I can’t prove it,” he said.

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