100 Cool Things About Being a Guy
August 22nd, 2010 | 
Author: 
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- Movie nudity is virtually always female.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- Monday Night Football.
- You dont have to monitor your friends sex lives.
- Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
- You can open all of your own jars.
- Old friends dont give a crap whether youve lost or gained weight.
- Dry cleaners and haircutters dont rob you blind.
- “When clicking through the channels you dont have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.”
- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
- All your orgasms are real.
- A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
- Guy in hockey masks dont attack you … unless youre playing hockey.
- You dont have to lug a bag full of stuff around everywhere you go.
- “You understand why the movie “”Stripes”" is funny.”
- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
- Your last name stays put.
- You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
- “When your work is criticized you dont have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.”
- You can kill your own food.
- The garage is all yours.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- “You see the humor in “”Terms of Endearment.”"”
- Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
- You never have to clean a toilet.
- You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
- Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- “If someone forgets to invite you to something he or she can still be your friend.”
- Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
- The National College Cheerleading Championship
- None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
- You dont have to shave below your neck.
- You dont have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
- “If youre 34 and single nobody even notices.”
- You can write your name in the snow.
- You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
- Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be president.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passengers seat.
- Flowers fix everything.
- You never have to worry about other peoples feelings.
- You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
- Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
- You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
- You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
- Foreplay is optional.
- Michael Bolton doesnt live in your universe.
- Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
- You dont have to clean your apartment if the meter readers coming by.
- You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You dont give a rats butt if anyone notices your new haircut.
- “You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking “”He must be mad at me.”"”
- The world is your urinal.
- You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lovers about to leave you.
- You get to jump up and slap stuff.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- “One mood all the time.”
- You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
- “You never have to drive on to another gas station because “”this ones just too gross.”"”
- You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
- You can sit with you knees apart no matter what youre wearing.
- Same work…more pay!
- Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
- You dont have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
- “Wedding dress: $2000; tuxedo rental: $75.”
- You dont care if someones talking about you behind your back.
- “With 400 million sperm per shot you could double the Earths population in 15 tries at least in theory.”
- You dont mooch off of others desserts.
- “If you retain water its in a canteen.”
- The remote control is yours and yours alone.
- People never glance at your chest when youre talking to them.
- ESPNs SportsCenter.
- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
- Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
- You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
- You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
- “You neednt pretend youre “”Freshening up”" to go to the bathroom.”
- “If you dont call your buddy when you say you will he wont tell your other friends youve changed.”
- Someday youll be a dirty old man.
- “You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase “”Screw it.”"”
- “If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit you just might become lifelong buddies.”
- Princess Dis death was just another obituary.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because youre not in the mood.
- You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
- “If something mechanical doesnt work you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.”
- “New shoes dont blister cut and mangle your feet.”
- Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
- You dont have to remember everyones birthdays and anniversaries.
- Not liking a person wont stop you from having great sex with them.
- “Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “”So…notice anything different?”"”
- Baywatch
- Theres always a game on somewhere.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted in 
Tags: 
